Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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