He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
