I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need water and some morals
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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