How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
