do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
