All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
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Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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