i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
