i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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