Your tits are I can't wait for
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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