There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
