you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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