just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
