I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
