I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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