I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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