he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
