I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
