i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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