Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
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Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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