I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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