Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
