That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
