the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All the doctor said was why
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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