You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
