I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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