Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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