I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
be right there i have to get my cape
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
