I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
there is glitter all over my balls
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