listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
