Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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