I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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