if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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