He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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