So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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