I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
