I want to stick my p in your. b.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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