like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
