Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm both gender and math confused
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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