Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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