Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
