i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
