it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I intend to get homeless drunk
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
