3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
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