id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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