I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
