I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
my poor anus
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
