Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
