Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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