EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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