I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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