I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
