Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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