watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
