I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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