My underwear smells like fireworks.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
