p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
