So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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