I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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