I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
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He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And then my night got REAL pukey
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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