its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
