i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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