Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
