He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
