Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
