I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
