ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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