did you get engaged???
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
