I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
