We're facebook friends in real life
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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