i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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