the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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