Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
