I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
