Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
