i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
