I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
