I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Couch. On fire.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
