Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
