I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize