she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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