im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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